Draco Malfoy and the Mathematical Proof
by larrythestapler
Summary: Draco writes a mathematical proof. Given: His love for Hermione is infinite, like the stellar regions of this limitless universe. Prove: Why Hermione Granger should marry Draco Malfoy. -DracoxHermione FLUFF- & bad math jokes.


Draco Malfoy and the Mathematical Proof

_larrythestapler_

**A/N**: Mainly fluff and tacky humor *sweatdrops*, I was bored, and thought back at my good old days in geometry. Neato, huh? Anyway, Draco writes one of the most beautifulll proof to Hermione!

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the _Harry Potter _characters. J.K. Rowling does!**

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**Given**: My love for Hermione is infinite, like the stellar regions of this

limitless universe.

**Prove**: Why Hermione Granger should marry me.

* * *

"God, I hate Arithmancy. Now we're learning about _proofs_," Draco unpleasantly hissed. The odd shaped symbols and curved words drowned the unfortunate Slytherin into a sea of ennui. They were everywhere in the large classroom. The green chalkboard was littered with white scrawlings of numbers and whacky symbols. It wasn't like Draco wasn't good at math, just displeased and uninterested. He groaned as the jolly, senile professor lectured about the nonexistence of the limit of functions.

"Malfoy, looked what I spelled on the calculator," Harry giggled. He showed Draco the crude numbers on the obsolete solar calculator. Draco gave Harry a blank stare.

"What? It says eighty thousand eighty-five."

"LOOK," Harry yelled, waving the neon pink calculator around.

"Oh. Boobs. I get it. Ha. Ha. Ha," Draco mocked wryly. He eyed the brunette in front of him intensely. He had pursued her for years, only to consecutively get mocked or rejected. The blond did not understand _why _she lacked a mutual attraction with him. They were both at the top of their classes, straight A's students, but more importantly, they were _haawwwwt _together. With his amazing abs and swishable hair, no girl could reject him.

Well, any girl, except the one who dressed in pink with the brown curls and protuberant eyes. She sat in front of him, enticing him with her fragrant smell and cool rejection. Oh how sweet she smelled amongst the stinking nerds in the hot summer weather amongst the stinking weeds surrounding them. What a mishap that the most beautiful girl could not appreciate the hottest boy in school.

"Hey, Hermione," Draco smirked. He watched Hermione slowly rise out of her seat and face him. He wished he could've been the seat. What a lovely gluteus maximus she had; if only they had anatomy class together.

"WHAT." Hermione glared at him, and Draco felt a wetness In his pants. But he redeemed himself, jutting his chest out and mustering his boldest voice.

"So, you want to see what you plus me equals after school?" Draco winked at the standing offer. His head filled with unicorns and rainbows and butterflies, but to no avail did he get a satisfactory answer.

"No. I can't divide my attention for you," Hermione said as she sat back down.

"Come on, why won't you just give me a fraction of your heart?"

"Why don't you minus that lecherous smile," Hermione argued, snapping her fingers in a z-shaped position. She quietly winced. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Why can't you see that you're dividing our love?" Draco sobbed into Harry's husky arms. Harry patted the poor creature as he shrieked in a teary, false falsetto. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued listening to the professor's never-ending lecture.

Upset, Draco silently doodled in his vagenda, a crude name for a planning calendar Harry and Ron had invented to amuse Draco. No appointments, but many crude doodles.

And then, he got the greatest idea of his life.

* * *

Draco Malfoy

Professor Brown

Arithmancy Adv., Period 08

May 20, 1990

My Proof

DracoxHermionexForever xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**Given**: My love for Hermione is infinite, like the stellar regions of this

limitless universe.

**Prove**: Hermione Granger will marry me.

_Because my love for Hermione is unfathomable, it shall make me Hermione's knave._

_If I am Hermione's knave, then I will be a person who avoids futile melees (except to prove my love)._

_If I avoid melees, then my time will be spent trying to become a prowess and master at playing Hermione's heartstrings._

_If I learn to play Hermione's heartstrings, then she will plaudit my for being cosmopolitan and erudite, playing such a beautiful, sweet-sounding instrument._

_If Hermione plaudits me for being erudite, then I will know that I have won her heart._

_If I know I have won Hermione's heart, then I will open my heart to her._

_If I open my heart to her, then I will cry._

_If I cry, then Hermione will smile._

_If Hermione grants me one of her beautiful smiles, then I will kiss her._

_If I kiss Hermione, then she will kiss me back._

_If Hermione kisses me back, then I shall know that she truly loves me._

_If Hermione truly loves me, then I will truly love her._

_If I truly love her, then I will do anything to protect and satisfy her._

_If I do everything to protect and satisfy Hermione, then she will love me even more._

_If Hermione loves me even more, than we will finally become mutual lovers._

_If we become mutual lovers, then I will think about proposing to her._

_If I propose to her, then I will buy a diamond ring for her._

_If I buy a diamond ring to her, then I will propose to her._

_If I propose to her, then she will say yes._

_If she says yes, then she will marry me._

**Law of Syllogism****: **If my love for Hermione is infinite, like the stellar regions of this

limitless universe, then Hermione will marry me.

But he wasn't supposed to turn that in.

"Mr. Malfoy, a word?" The old teacher chuckled lightly as he handed back the paper with the gigantic, red F plus. He took off his glasses and stared at Draco with squinty eyes.

"Come, sit in my office."

He sat.

"I understand that you like Miss Granger," he rhetorically stated. He took a seat behind the smooth oak desk and uncomfortably looked at Draco.

"Yes, sir, that's true sir."

"But, however amusing and humorous it was to read, I cannot accept this paper, do you understand? You cannot blow your grade for a girl, especially the only girl that's currently the top student in the class, you the second. Stop being a pansy and grow a pair already, will ya?"

"Sir.." Draco protested, but to no cigar. Plus he didn't understand the infallible chemistry between them anyway. He was just a math jock.

"I remember my days as a young shenanigan." _Oh God. Another old person story._

"Oh, sir…"

"I was madly in love with Edith…Blah blah blah, nostalgic story, Edith rejected me"

"Peachy, sir. But…"

"Speak up, will ya already? You're a frickin' doormat. To me and love. Do you want to know how she's doing now, kid?" The professor imposed as he turned to look out the window, but he gave Draco not much of a choice.

"Not really sir," Draco murmured weakly. The blond boy observed the glare coming from the window. It was rather sunny and cheerful outside, but again, with a price, the cool weather traded for an unbearable climate of sweat and humidity. He took a breath and felt the coolness of the air-conditioned room.

"Well, she's pruney old hag now who devours half of my salary. Love comes with a price, tiger."

"Lovely, but…"

"One day you're madly in love, and then the next day you catch the woman you love with a youthful, odd-tasted buff neighbor." The old professor wiped his eyes

"Professor Brown, I turned in the wrong paper. Here's the one on integral digits."

"Oh. Oops. It's not like you'll satisfy her anyway," Professor Brown sniffed. Harry approached the student and teacher with a dull tipped pencil. "The road in life is long and hard." Harry opened his mouth to make a crude joke, but roared into laughter once he saw a dejected Malfoy from the previous statement.

"OOO, burn from the old nerd five," Harry yelled, lurching out his left hand for a high five. Draco reluctantly slapped Harry's pale hand.

"I suppose you'd like to give this to Ms. Granger."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Draco replied. He grabbed the paper from the teacher and crumpled it. Making his way out of class, he dumped the painful paper into the recycling bin. Little did he know Harry had found the paper and a devilish grin had formed on his brilliant face.

_The next day…_

"What is this crap??" Hermione yelled as she opened the wrinkly paper in disgust.

_A/N: It was a quickie! Read and Review!!! I know the proof didn't really make sense but…I felt like writing?  
_

Anyway, I'm off to read The Catcher in the Rye.


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